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Ultrasound examination during the 21st week of pregnancy - diagnosis: “complex defect syndrome, suspected chromosome anomaly. Because of the many defects in different organ systems, the prognosis must be described as very poor.“ “You must decide!“ the specialist in prenatal diagnostics tells me. ”In such a case, immediate abortion is the usual solution.“

This autobiographical documentary is devoted to life, birth and taking leave of my little son, Martin Tim, to personal questions and developments arising from being confronted with the tragic diagnosis and the resulting demands requiring me to decide about the duration of life and about the conditions of death of one of my four children.

Sitting face to face with the gynecologist, the idea to this film appears almost as a reflex, a sort of self-defense. Documentation as evidence, where orientation threatens to get lost in the inner chaos. The need, to not keep this decision to myself forever, but to publish what normally would only take place in the silence of privacy.

From my working experience as a midwife, I know that the decision against her own child might accompany a mother a lifelong as a dark shadow. Aside from the protection of her health, which is provided for by law, there is also an unspoken message toward the possibility to choose between life and death: If you fail at the unpredictable tasks, which your unborn sick child puts to you, t’s considered to be your own fault. Katja Baumgarten (midwife and filmmaker)